I was stuck in survival mode for YEARS without even realizing it, caused by trauma I didn’t even know had happened. Ultimately, that led me down a path to physical and mental burnout. This is why one of the first things I do when I connect with someone is provide them with tools to start to feel safe.  

Get my favorite 1 minute anti-anxiety tool here.

Ever since I was little, I’ve seemed like the responsible one who has my act together. For about 30 years, I thought I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted. So it was a real curveball when I realized neither of those things were true. 

Being the nice, quiet, driven, high-achieving, level-headed, peacemaker who could do it all led me straight to the lowest point in my life. Not exactly what I had planned. Which sucked because my whole life and identity had been centered around that plan. 

When I was 6, I declared that I wanted to become a veterinarian and that was that. I followed the rules, worked hard, and turned my dream into a reality. Except my dream felt more like a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. 

From the outside, I had it all: dream job, beautiful home, wonderful husband, cute dogs, nice vacations, a “healthy” body, and a smile on my face. On the inside, it was a very different story. I was miserable, filled with regret, uncomfortable in my body, and exhausted. I was burnt out physically and mentally.

My body and heart gave me plenty of clear warning signs leading up to burn out, but my brain was running the show telling me everything was normal and I trusted it. The messages from society and even doctors further reassured me that everything was fine which is why I felt stuck and confused for a long time. I didn’t feel good, but I was doing everything I was supposed to do and everything was “normal”.

At that point, I was experiencing random crippling stomach aches, bloating by the end of the day, brain fog every afternoon, and I felt exhausted despite eating healthy and working out. Every morning, my first thought was “I can’t wait for work to be over”. On my days off, I dreaded having to go back. I couldn’t wait for retirement. I was literally wishing away decades of my life.

It would be easy for me to blame external factors about my job and profession that led me to the lowest point in my life, but that wouldn’t be the full truth. 

It wasn’t my circumstances that led me to burnout, it was my trauma response. 

I didn’t know that at the time, because 1) I didn’t think I was THAT stressed, and 2) I had zero clue I had encountered a trauma. Without me realizing it, my body had permanently shifted into survival mode in an effort to keep me safe and loved. It’s really hard to recover from something you don’t even know is happening. 

The trauma response that originated to protect me led me to the lowest point in my life. My identity was tied to my trauma response (like people-pleasing, perfectionism, and never being able to slow down), and yet it disconnected me from who I was and what I truly needed to feel alive. My brain had taken over causing me to ignore my body and heart when those were the parts of me that were trying to tell me what I needed to feel whole.  

My heart was telling me that something was missing in my life. That this wasn’t “it”. But my brain used a toxic combination of gratitude and judgment to gaslight me. “You have so much to be grateful for! I know you’re stressed, but you’re not THAT stressed. Also, maybe if you were just better at your job you wouldn’t be so stressed. Regardless, this is the job you’ve always dreamed about and you LOVE it…remember? You’re totally fine. Also, you spent your entire life working towards this and you have massive student loans so there’s no turning back now. P.s. Don’t even think about splurging on the extra guac at Chipotle until you’ve paid off your student loans.”

My body was trying to tell me it was stuck in a trauma response, but my brain dismissed the warning signs and led me to do the exact opposite of what I needed. “Those crippling stomach aches you get are weird but doctors said everything is normal, so it must just be one of your weird quirks. And it does kind of seem like you get spacey in the afternoons, but everyone probably does. Also, those things can’t be related to stress, because you’re SO good at stress management! Even though you’re crazy busy, you always make time for a super intense workout. And I know you’re feeling kind of ready for a break, but you know what would make that break feel even BETTER? Cleaning and re-organizing the entire house! Yeah! Then, when you rest for like an hour it will feel so good because you won’t have that nagging feeling that you still need to do that. Althouuugh, now that I think of it, have you scheduled that appointment? You know what, scratch the break. The things on your to-do list are what’s causing stress, so let’s just power through and get it ALL done. That is going to feel SO good and then you won’t be stressed!”

Notice how good my brain was at dismissing all the red flags that something wasn’t right because it thought it knew what was best for me. You cannot let one part of you – body, mind, or heart – take over or you will lose an important part of yourself. 

How do you reconnect with yourself? By listening, ditching judgment, and getting curious.

The moment that I started to recover from burnout and reconnect with myself was the moment I stopped judging myself and my circumstances long enough to get curious and to question the beliefs that were keeping me stuck. Curiosity leads to awareness which is the key to change.

The question that started a ripple effect of change was “If your student loans, all the years you invested in becoming a vet, and what others expected of you didn’t matter, what would you do?” That was the moment I started to free myself from the unconscious chains that had been holding me back from seeing what was possible. I started to reconnect with my body and heart so I could heal and feel whole again. It’s what led me down the path of becoming a health and life coach, and it’s why the most important thing I can teach you is how to listen to and respect your body. 

Every time you ditch judgment and embrace curiosity about what your body, mind, or heart are telling you, you will become more connected with and aware of who you truly are and what you need. When you do this, you will be unstoppable. 

I spent way too many years feeling stuck, confused, and miserable as I exhausted myself doing all the wrong things. Looking back, I’m grateful for the challenges I experienced because it led me to where I am now – feeling at home in my body even when things feel hard or scary and ready to create positive change in this world in a big way. 

Use My Favorite Secret Weapon To Start Shifting Out Of Survival Mode To Create Positive Change